Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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