It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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