After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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