is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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