I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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