woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
