Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
