I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
