He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
im on a boat
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