I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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