I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
