Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize