I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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