yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
