We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
