You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
