And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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