if i can run in heels then i can drive
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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