So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
