Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
