Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
