I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
