i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
