im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
