FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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