I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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