You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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