yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
