Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
