The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
