.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
