So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
