My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
