That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
