So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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