Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
