thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize