My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
