her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am available for nakedness
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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