How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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