Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
