i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
