why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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