Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
