I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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