Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
