How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Say something about gay babies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
