he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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