Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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