ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
