a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
