I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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