i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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