Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize