She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
