I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
