You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
