We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize