she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
