so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
