We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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