Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
