Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
