Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
