also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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