One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
