I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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