I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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