Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
