Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
