I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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