the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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