So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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