I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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