Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
