great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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